The Saga of Mabel The Squirrel: Revisited.

These events are true and accurate and were documented in the order presented to you now.

May 4th, 2010 8:43am.

So, I woke up a few minutes ago to what sounded...okay, I don't know what the hell it sounded like, but it was loud and it woke me up and it's only 730am.

Following the sound, I walked downstairs. Maybe Bartok, (my german shepherd) is digging a hole in the floor, I thought as I walked down the steps. It would be the first time ever, but something had to be making that sound. I followed the noise to the fireplace. A squirrel had fallen all the way down and was frantically trying to scrape its way out of the glass partition.

*blink*

I texted my dad, who was laughing too hard to text back. So he called.

The plan:

Try to trap squirrel in box and set free outside.

Step 1. Tinkle.
Step 2. Cross 'baking cookies for dad' off today's to-do list.
Step 3. Obtain large box and blanket
Step 4. Place large box and blanket against fireplace.
Step 5. Be unable to find squirrel.
Step 6. Be impressed by its amazing bicep-ting abilities until I find it cowering UNDER the logs.
Step 7. Slowly open glass partition, body tense and prepared to end up chasing it all over the house.
Step 8. Wait
Step 9. Wait
Step 10. Wait.
Step 11. Throw a spoonful of peanut butter into box. Squirrels like peanuts, yes?
Step 12. Wait
Step 13. Sit on coffee table and start flipping through channels. First is a commercial for peanut butter, so I know I made the right choice.
Step 14. Wait
Step 15. Wait

*sigh* Does anyone know a squirrel whisperer? It won't come out.



Edit: Can squirrels play dead? It's not moving.

Update: Squirrels can play dead! Squirrels can play dead!! SCREEECH!

May 4th, 2010 11:42am

Mabel (the squirrel) is STILL in the fire place. Actually, she has managed to squeeze herself into a half dollar sized hole between the fireplace paneling and wall.

At first I thought it was a big furry worm... until I noticed it was breathing heavily.

Mabel's ass:



I'm starting to worry she'll die in there :( If she doesn't come out of that little hole, I'll have to try and figure out how to take the fireplace apart.

May 4th, 2010 4:27pm

Continuing Mabel's saga.... I decided that if I could block off the two little holes she's completely disappearing in, she'll have a less chance of dying in there. I thought a couple of bricks would be slim, but sturdy enough to do the trick.

I texted my roommate/bff. She's been at work all day and has no idea what has been going on.

Me To Bff: Can you pick up two bricks on your way home?
Bff to Me: What?!
Me: For Mabel!!
Bff: ...
...
...What the hell?
Me: Our Squirrel! So, if you come across two bricks on your way home, could you pick them up?
Bff: ...
...
...
...

She probably thinks I brought one home for a pet or something. She's probably also cursing my name.

Man. I need a life.

P.S. Mabel likes Smoked Almonds, but I think they make her thirsty. (Don't worry. I gave her water too.)

UPDATE: Bff calls and first thing out of her mouth, "Did you hit your head or have too much sugar?"

May 5th, 2010 12:05pm

No pooing in the fireplace.

Mabel, I know it's a lot to ask, but could you possibly hold it until after I find a way to set you free?

Might have found a professional to come reunite Mabel with her family! Weeee!

May 5th, 2010 9:54pm

It's hard owning a squirrel. (Aka: I need a life.)

All she does is eat my almonds and poo in my fireplace. She never wants to play with me and I don't think she'll ever learn her name. And then, of course, there's always the looming threat of rabies.

Warning One: I was telling a friend how I had prepared to try and wrestle Mabel out of the fireplace, but had no thick gloves. I did, however, have an...oven mit. But only one. So, I had wrapped an X-Files t-shirt around my other hand. "Be careful, they carry rabies!" warned my friend. Then, "...why do you only have one oven mit? Do you only use one hand to get hot food out of the oven?"

Warning Two: I was talking to another friend on IM, trying to figure out what to do. "well be careful, the little effers can carry rabies ya know"

Warning Three: Txting another friend. (What can I say, it was the highlight of my week)... okay, well, he actually thought it would be cool to foam at the mouth. Bad example.

Warning Four: When I finally called my landlord/cousin because I just didn't know what else to do, I explained all of my failed attempts. (A) The box full of birdseed. (B) Negotiation. "Mabel, if you come out peaceably, I promise to take you straight outside so you can go home with your family." (C) Placing a small tube against the hole (where her butt was sticking out) that led into a box I had cleverly set up so when I scared her out of the hole, she'd run through the tunnel and into the box...but she just played dead! and didn't move and I lost a pencil in that hole and even after she's gone, I'll still have to take apart the fireplace to get to the pencil so it won't burn down the house! *takes deep breath* Where was I? Oh yes, and also about my (D) oven mit attempt. It was here where she screamed, "You used an oven mit?! It could have rabies!"

May 7th, 2010 9:04pm

May the winds blow gently at your back, Mabel.

Timmy the Trapper came to get her this afternoon. "Can't you set her free here?" I asked.

"She'll just keep coming back inside. I'll take her far enough away so she won't be able to find her way back."

"Oh. 'cause I'll feel bad if she has family, or something."

*crickets*

I tried, Mabel.

I'll remember all our fond times together. Your favorite game, "Hide in the hole." My favorite game, "Try to get you out of the hole." Good times.

Ode to Mabel:

Down the chimney you tumbled,
Though Santa you were not.

You like almonds and apples,

You do not poo in a pot.

Four days you stayed,
My fireplace your home.
Good times we made,
But now you have to go.

Bye, Mabel!