I see the epitome of humanity every day.
One of my jobs is working with mentally/physically challenged individuals. One of my jobs is working at an Alzheimer’s facility. Both are mentally and heart consuming. The Alzheimer’s facility, I’d have to say is where I’m most inspired…and completely and utterly heartbroken on a regular basis. No matter if it was a good day, or a bad day, by the time I get home after a shift, I’ve at least cried once and questioned God.
“I seem to have lost myself.” This utterance repeats in my head often. It was spoken by the first woman diagnosed by Dr. Alzheimer during a brief moment of “lucidity.”
Women at the facility I work at are continuously trying to get home to their husbands—who have long ago left this life. Men are constantly “working” on things that aren’t there.
One woman…one woman relives the death of her son every.moment.of.the.day. And there is nothing, nothing any of us can do or say to get through to her, to free her from the worst moment of her life. She just cries brokenly that, “he’s gone” over and over and I feel like a God awful shit as I finally pry my hand from her tight grip because someone else in the present needs help.
I hate it. God, I hate it. I tell myself that I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t. But then I feel like such an ungrateful, selfish ass because I’m not trapped reliving the worst moment of my life for the rest of my life, so cowgirl the fuck up and make someone smile.
Even still…amongst such heartache, I am awed. Often throughout the day, I will see both men and woman try to help the grief-stricken woman. Their minds may be gone, but their hearts beat on. They can’t talk and they don’t even know who they are themselves—let alone who the crying woman is, but they’ll sit next to her and hold her hand, or try and comfort her by giving her things they don’t realize is just garbage.
To be stripped of everything you are, but still reach out to comfort someone else…that my friends, is the epitome of humanity right there. And it strengthens the hope I thought I had lost in this world.
And also in this, I have just realized, that we are not the sum of our experiences after all.
We are, indeed, the sum of our actions.
Shine on.
